I never understand why we play this game? Why we pretend in the world as much as we do? I am not talking about simple things like pretending to like people at your work...lets face it, you would never get through the day if you acted how you really felt about the people you work with. I am talking about with people we love and care for?
Why do we pretend with each other? If your in a marriage and you don't love them - why are you still there pretending? You know whether or not you love someone? You know whether or not you care? so why play the game? why cause further pain to anyone involved?
If your in a friendship and it isn't reciprocal why are you still there? You know whether or not you care about this person right? you know whether or not you are significant to them or if they are significant to you? You know if they are fake or if they are real? so why are you there?
If your family treats you ill and causes you pain - why do you allow it? You know they are your family but where is the rule that because of that it is okay that they make you feel heartbroken all the time? Why do you stay? Why do you show the love they cannot show you?
We seem to get caught up in titles and names and roles in our lives and let them overcome us. We allow these things to make nonsensical sense and overpower our right mind? We think because of these things that we "deserve" or must "put up" with self-inflicted pain - I say self-inflicted because in essence we are allowing it by "staying" in any of those particular scenarios.
We get lost in those titles as "mom", "wife", "daughter", "sister", "friend" "insert your title here" and lose who we are in the "great big world" - we forget our significance, our importance, our light gets dim and we just stand and watch it flicker into non-existence....and why? Because we believe we "owe" someone something or the world "is watching" and we "have to be a certain way"....Why?
God gave you this wonderful life - the light inside you - the people around you - the world - the knowledge and yet we are lost? We have been given a gift and we hold it in our hands and stare at it as if it is a foreign object and ponder the possibilities instead of living them? our pain and our grief from those self-inflicted wounds tear us up inside until we are nothing more than a shell of the gift he has bestowed upon us. And who is more wrong? us for allowing someone else to take our gift or them for willingly taking something so precious?
How do we wake up from this haze we have walked into? How do we turn around and say "I am worth more, I am enough" --- what do we do?
God you gave me my gift and I may not have known just how precious it is, I may have even had the idea that I would give this gift back in a unforgiving way....You gave me this gift and right now I don't know what to do with it? I am lost in the shadow of it....My light is dimming and the biggest fear I have is that I myself may be the one who extinguishes the flame...I am lost...I am scared...I am broken....and right now I could use a miracle....not even realizing my miracle may be that which I hold in my hand...my original gift, the gift that scares me the most...the gift that feels so heavy right this very minute.....
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