Humility is genuine...

So many crazy things have happened in the past 6 months....changes so many changes have happened - some good - some bad - some so long past due and some so scary that it causes anxiety. I have fell under pressure, I have hid from the world....I cried so many tears that my body became dehydrated from the experience...I felt unbelievable sorrow and sadness and loneliness...my family has been through so much...and each and every time there has always been this one constant...My friends - my bestest of the best have long stood by my side and offered their help and guidance...A kick in the ass when warranted, a pat on the back if need be and a shoulder to cry on and an embrace to endure....Humility is genuine --- it is...

I have lost my relationship with my fiance and that was a hard thing to endure - Love was genuine but respect was lost and I could not allow myself to be in a situation that was harmful and unhealthy but still the love was genuine so that makes the pain much deeper, the love we shared was real and the feeling of loss is almost like grieving....My daugther has had many adversities to overcome this year and she is still struggling and that is hard to watch...My belief in her is genuine....my family is now enduring quite another dilemma - eviction, my job loss and tight finances with two kids and myself to take care of - it is not easy to admit all the hard times one goes through however Humility is genuine....

I have been blessed in the last couple of weeks by some very beautiful people and wonderful organizations and I keep my fingers crossed that my kids and I will be able to move into the new apartment we have been approved for however are still in dire need of funding to get the rent paid for this month and help with the next - however I believe that my faith in God and in myself will get us through this and get us a home in time to have Christmas....

I have had some friends who have generously donated their time, finances and love and support to help us get through some of these rough patches (so to speak) I have had wonderful beautiful organizations that have donated furniture, clothing and their time and energy to help us get through these patches.....So it is my turn to give back --- I would like to share their information with you all so that if you feel so inclined you can also give back to these organizations because One day it could be you that needs this help or someone you love and it is up to all of us to give back each and every day so that a family can have a chance to get on their feet ---- Humility is genuine!

www.ncoyouth.org

NCO Youth and Family services is a wonderful group of people who offer counseling and other services for low income families on a sliding scale --- They have helped us with counseling as well as having us become a "sponsored family" for Christmas --- beacuse of their efforts and genuine concern for our family they have made it possible for my children to receive Christmas presents from a sponsor family - Take a moment to check out their website and see if there is something you would like to do for them.

www.sharingconnections.org

Sharing Connections provides furniture and household items to low income families to help them transform a bare apartment into a home. They generously donated some furniture to our family since over the years we have not had enough money to replace furniture that was damaged in a our flooded basement. They are a wonderful group of people who treated me with respect and love....Please check out their website...

www.napervillecares.org

This organization has a wonderful car donation program for those of us who do not have a vehicle - My family is currently on the list to receive a vehicle - but there is a long wait list and not a long list of vehicles...they offer rental and deposit assistance and career services...They are also a wonderful group of individuals who treat everyone that comes through their doors with kindness. Again take a moment to check out their site.

www.loaves-fishes.org

This organization donates food to needy families and helps them to keep food on the table during these hard times...it is a great organization that helps those with low income issues....please take a moment to look at their site.

Even if you do not wish to check out these sites - find one in your area or a family in need and do something - anything to help them out - so many people are like my family and especially at this time of the year just one person can make a difference and change a life just by stretching out your hand!

Humility is genuine....

Long time, no write

It has been quite a while since I decided to post something...however so much has been happening - there are many things I would like to share ... Life is happening as crazy and unpredicatable as always....thinking of things that need to be done, like get a job (again) yes somehow i seem to pick the jobs that need insane people to work at - and as crazy as I am I cannot seem to fit in...outside of the job, I have a vacation that we are scheduled to go on but yet no car yet, so i need the van repaired waiting, watiting, on that hmmmm - then i have a xmas party to plan, gifts to make, get or steal LOL --- a child that is dealing with newly recieved information (more on that another time so much to share with that) and another one who is having his own crisis...and not to mention a fiance who is seems to be having his own meltdown - so how say you does one small woman decide to deal with all of this - well one piece at a time and plenty of chocolate and books! ahhhhhh

Teenagers Suck!

So I just finished my latest book reading - Teenagers Suck! by Joanne Kimes and have resolved to the fact that Teenagers are not as bad as what we really thought - Of course having my own teen this came as a breath of fresh air - ummm no not really but it did however make me feel like I was on the right track even if it was driving me crazy! LOL - Basically you have to do just a couple of things to get going on the path of some type of teen assimiliation into the mainstream of life...

ONE you have to admit that your teen IS having some type of SEX - this sucks! but it is true and you cannot - repeat this with me - YOU CANNOT stop it! - it is as natural as taking a whiz! So YOU provide the information the "naked" truth if you will about precautions, emotional involvement (because lets face it women get emotionally involved no matter how much they pretend it is just a one nighter)...TWO, you have to admit that your teenager WILL NOT listen to you- thats right you can scream, you can thrash about, you can have a conniption fit and none of this will do you any good! So what do you do? Well I dont really have the perfect answer but from what I have been reading you LISTEN - not simply hear with your auditory sensors you actually LISTEN and ABSORB and try to see this from their twisted point of view and THREE (yes I AM going to stop at three) You have to admit that you cannot truly UNDERSTAND where they are coming from - a friend of mine told me that I have to understand and validate the fact that my daughter is an INDIVIDUAL and I need to treat her as such!
So there you have it - it is as easy as ONE,TWO,THREE - Just not as satisfying as lets say 1,2,3 easy bake brownies!

Next blog series I will be exploring yet another book and posting my thoughts about it online...feel free to share your own experiences please!

Baby Mama Drama!!!!!!!!!!

This image was taken from Amazon where I suggest if you have a crazy ass pyscho baby mama in your life you go purchase this book.

don't let this fool make you take off your crown for a Battle Royale. Instead you must allow her to tumble mindlessly into the moat and drown in her own foolishness."~Ayesha J. Gallion

I often let the drama that my ex BM throws my direction drive me crazy...it is so toxic that I feel like I am just thrust into a battle that I am far more educated to be involved with. However I am human and thus get filled with the rage and emotion of wanting to just slap the taste out of her mouth and then poof something brings me back to reality and reminds me that this is HER problem not mine.
She is a 6 year old ex that obviously thinks the divorce happened yesterday? She gets joy out of acting like a child and texting me juvenile messages, talking random crap online and to her friends. She is forever trying to make herself the victim.

Why do I care or feel the need to defend myself? I have no frickin' clue - However I learn from her, I learn how not to behave in public, I learn how not to be bitter, and mostly I learn how to laugh my ass off at the stupid way she trys to save face and act like WE dont bother her...mostly what I should learn is how to just ignore her and remind myself everyday that this is not about her and me or even her and my fiance but rather it should be all about their two kids whom she allows to fall into the cracks for her stupid bruised ego!

Lesson learned - Baby Mama drama is what you allow it to be! Beat her at her own game - Ignore the Bitch!

LOL

Confessions of a Slacker Mom...

Confessions of a Slacker mom...by muffey mead-ferro

I have to be honest this book started out dry...I didnt think I was going to get anything from it...by the time I was done It dawned on me - Damn that lady is absolutely correct! We shelter our kids so much that WE f' them up for the real world. We dont let them fall down because they might get hurt (right a natural consequence) We give them all trophy's to make everyone feel equal (um not right this complex world does not allow for equality in most things - okay in nothing!) We dont allow them to see that their is a hierarchy to everything and that there are natural consequences to all you do in life.

My daugther is a perfect example, I did everything I could to give her a well rounded life. I kept her out of harms way, I made sure she always felt validated, I always made her feel that she could do anything she put her mind to....here's the shitty reality I f'd her up! I should not of have validated her every emotion because now she is a drama demon and if I dont show some type of concern for her every waking minute she goes into some self induced teenage dramatic depression. Second mistake making her think she was good at everything and that she could do anything when the crappy reality is that NO ONE is good at all things and NO ONE I dont care who you are can truly be ANYTHING you want to be. The reality is we are all good at hopefully at least one thing.

We can either focus a little attention to everything or alot of attention to one good thing!

enough said! stop f'ing up your kids America - NO ONE IS PERFECT!

Nostalgia...

So many people say to not live in the past...however I disagree with this (not entirely but in part) Your past is a HUGE part of your present. It has made you who you are and influenced where you are going...Nostalgia can be a great thing, it reminds us that at heart we are all YOUNG and VIBRANT if even just for a moment...Now the tricky part is holding onto those things in your past that make you happy and bring warm fuzzies...(not that part of your past that is like a preying demon on your present - that past needs to be left behind!)

This image of Cyndi Lauper definitely can be a big shaper of the kind of girl I was....Cyndi Lauper influenced me greatly....I wanted to never be the same as anyone else...I didnt want to dress like everyone, or look like everyone I desperately wanted to be MY OWN person....this is what I believed she embodied --- Glorius independance (hee hee)...What is your most nostalgic moment....

My moment - if I close my eyes I can still almost be in that moment...I live by a park sitting on my porch waiting for people I knew to walk by or drive by with a friend or two already on my porch, listening to our "Boom box" blasting freestyle mixes (Cynthia - change on me) it is dark outside and you could smell the hint of rain in the air...yep that is my most tangible nostalgic moment...and every now and then I close my eyes and go there and remember that on the inside I am still as young as ever!

Knowing your limitations...

As a parent we face so much societal pressure to be this "super mom" (even my "myspace" url has supermom in the name) We as women have to be this certain "type" of parent. The one that can juggle a job, shuttling children around, cooking dinner, cleaning the house, handling the bills --- all while looking well put together and fresh! Ummm yeah no that is not how my life runs...ever...Even when I had a job I did all the above while still maintaining a "fashionable" appearance but just ask my family - I was less than pleasant while doing all of this. I therefore am a big fan of "village parenting" --- where other's in your circle share the "parental shoes".
When my daugther was younger I had this in place...Friends shared running "our" children between activities and school - we planned parties together - helped cook meals - sent each other shopping needs via internet..etc...and now that I have my son we still step into each other's shoes to help out.
We all have one thing in common, my crazy friends and I - we are not afraid to say I don't enjoy doing it all and then some!
Every now and then you have to allow yourself the space to say this over and over...you have to tell yourself that it is okay to want to be more than just a mother (because in the end when you are more than a mother you are at your best of being a mother)
Thanks to Ayelet Waldman and her awesome book that allowed me to embrace this me and be proud of it!

What defines you as a parent?

So I have my latest excerpt from Ayelet's book...and I must take this and share it with all of you because it is so true that it should be the theme song for all of us struggling with our "Parental identity"...

There are times as a parent when you realize that your job is not to be the parent that you always imagined you'd be, the parent you always wished you had. Your job is to be the parent your child needs, given the particulars of his or her own life and nature.

These words resonate loud and clear for me (now my chances of remembering this on the every day basis is quite another story). Remind yourself of this often, it makes much sense to know that your situation is your situation and those techniques offered by other parents work for THEIR situation. There is not a "ONE SIZE FITS ALL" approach!

Stay in your OWN backyard...

So I have been reading my book and contemplating it's relevance to my own life...and wanted to share with you a page of particular interest in Ayelet's book...

"Another's parent's different approach raises the possibility that you've made a mistake with your child. We simply can't tolerate that, because we fear that any mistake, no matter how minor, could have devastating consequences. So we proclaim the superiority of our own choices. We've lost sight of the fact that people have preferences."

And that right there is IT, the big IT ... we spend so much time fearing that what we are doing is wrong, checking out everyone's backyard to see how they make theirs so lush and green that we forget that their lawn goes through the same Composting procedure (the same bunch of shit we do to put it lightly) to find Their means to an end. We do not have the same family therefore our choices will be different.

AHHH the big IT, You cannot judge your parental skills against another because not everyone has the same taste in parental "sandals" if you will.

Pom Martini's and Partying Moms hmmm....

1,2 possibly 3 Pom Martini's hit the spot after a day of MOMMY I NEED, MOMMY I WANT, MOM WHY NOT!...However 4,5 possibly 6 or 7 drinks later it is all no longer relevant as the Mommy tirade continues in your head. You now find yourself trying to find situations to control and people to mother (who most likely are out drinking and running away from their own mothers) The irony of it all! It is always good to take a step back and kick up your heels with your best girl friends (even if their husbands tag along) No really they are always welcome to buy the drinks, hold the purses and keep us from falling over...they are so sweet! Being out with friends releases those feel good endorphins we hear so much about...Dancing is a way of disconnecting from mommy mode and reconnecting with ME mode...That is right I said ME...sometimes we lose the me in mom, wife and co worker and these stolen moments are selfish indeed but in the best possible way...They remind you that one day your children too will be in ME mode and you can relate to that!

Mother's Day Breast Cancer Walk

So when I take a break from being a Work in Progress I try to find something for my family to invest their time in....Ever Since my daughter was a little girl I have done the Breast Cancer Walk on Mothers' day - this year is no different...Breast Cancer is a big deal and I walk to find a cure...My children walk because I make them (hey its Mother's Day after all)

Check out my teams page and take a moment to donate your time or join our team...

http://walk.networkofstrength.org/Shades_of_Pink (copy and paste sorry)

Spongebob, snack, scream...repeat

So since i am new to this "blogging" it will be sporadic on when i post an entry so bear with me....Last night I got a chance to just "relax" that is after washing everything in the house, putting my baby to bed, wondering where my fiance was and cleaning up after the cats...yes the moment after the madness belonged to just me and only me (thank goodness my fiance was out) so i curled up in bed and did something i had not done in a long time...just relax and read and reflect....so my night ended with Waldman, Jays and G2...

and a thought about my cabinets that a girlfriend brought up to me that were not quite so organized...

The beginning...

As most people these days I find myself at home...out of work...a victim of the economic crunch and when it bit down man did it leave a blister! So what do I do with all this time off...well I moved, I cleaned (alot) spent time with my children (drove them nuts as they do me) and now well now I write...since spending so much time with Me has been such a um revelation I have begun to learn things about me that I guess I never thought of too much before...all the dreams I had, all the things I wanted to be when I grew up...and thought What Happened??? So now I write...Some may want to take this journey with me and others may say "Forget this (insert your word choice) I have enough of my own issues...I cannot promise it will be enlightening, funny or adventurous (well not on purpose anyway) but I believe at least it shows that no one is alone in their journey....

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And this is how I start my day One PBJ and Coffee at a time...because I am just a Mom...work in Progress...